On Myopia

I can’t find my glasses.  I’ve performed an exhaustive search of the immediate vicinity and they simply aren’t to be found.  This is not good.  Immediate mental images spring to mind of small toddler hands torturing my wire frames into useless (but stylish) origami.  Did one of the kids snatch them from wherever I carelessly [...]

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Mommy math

14:  Number of times this morning I’ve already had to tell my daughter she isn’t allowed to hit her brother
 8:  Number of times I’ve reminded same daughter that screaming isn’t an acceptable form of communicating requests to beloved mother
 3:  Number of times this morning I went to the back door and yelled at horse-dog for [...]

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I love Kix ’cause it’s so delicious…

Hi.  I’m beautysleeping and I’m addicted to cereal.  Really–I could live on cereal for every meal and never get tired of it.  My current obsession is Kix.  Low fat, low cal, sweet crispy corn puff goodness….mmmm.  Quite possibly the world’s most perfect food.  I may need a 12 step program.

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Caylee Anthony update

I just read in the news that Casey Anthony’s attorney, Jose Baez, is fighting to keep her jail phone calls from being released.  Yeah, I’d try to keep my client’s phone calls from being released too if I were her attorney.  Every time this filth opens her mouth she makes it crystal clear that even if she’s not guilty [...]

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Friendly memo to my cat

Dear furball,
We need to talk.  You know I love your fluffy, furry Ragdoll self to bits.  Really, I do.  I had to overcome several obstacles to become your adoring owner–raising enough money to pay the small fortune you cost, driving across an entire state with two tiny and cranky children to bring you home, convincing [...]

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A thank you to my deployed husband

I don’t know where to start this post.  So I guess I’ll start with thank you.  Thank you for being the man that you are.  Thank you for being a husband and father beyond compare.  Thank you for filling my heart with a love of such fierceness I can barely contain it.  Thank you for taking such [...]

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Tomorrow is going to suck

How do I know that?  Because I was just proudly presented a headless and de-stuffed Elmo by Horse-dog, Doberman Destroyer.  My daughter has had this particular stuffed Elmo since she was a baby.  How Horse-dog got it I don’t know but she was apparently stealthily hiding out and committing stufficide while I was tucking my daughter into [...]

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Murphy is a jerk

So I think to myself this evening “I should do something productive…”  Don’t all disasters start with this kind of innocent thinking?  At any rate, despite the nagging tiredness that comes from a day of wrangling young children alone and the pain in my neck from the herniated disc that’s awaiting my husband’s return from Iraq to [...]

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Overheard in munchkin land…

My 3 year old daughter, bossypants, having a conversation (and we use this term loosely) outside on our deck with my 1 year old son, poopypants, when she thinks I’m not paying attention:
BP:  ”Heere brudder, you huuuuungry?”
PP:  *looks at offered morsel*
BP:  “You need-oo eat sumfing.  It’s yummy!”
PP:  *reaches out a tentative hand*
BP:  “Good booooy!  You grow big and [...]

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The unfunniest riddle

What’s the one thing most parents need more of but can’t buy in any store?  It’s not available at any cost and can’t be regained once it’s lost.  I’m sure there’s more than one answer to this riddle and your answer will depend upon your circumstances.  But for me there’s only one real answer, and [...]

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