The eyes get me every time

Turns out, you really can forgive almost anything.  A few days ago Dogzilla conspired with Horse Dog, Doberman Destroyer, to dig underneath the chicken coop.  She was the physical labor, Dogzilla was the chicken killer.  He killed my Marans hen and badly hurt my speckled Sussex hen as well.  I was so angry that if someone had offered me a wooden nickel for both dogs I would have taken it without a second thought.  I’ve been mad, at Dogzilla in particular, for several days now.  And he knows it.  Tonight he climbed up on the couch next to me, all 150+ lbs of him and laid his head on my knee, looking at me with the saddest puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen.  So of course I forgave him.  I love him even if he’s a big chicken-eating duffus.  But I did let him know that next time he touches a chicken we will have big problems.  Big.  Dumb dog.

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Pass the xanax, please

342: approximately the number of times this morning that I’ve ‘reminded’ the kids to stop fighting.  Maybe there’s something to this Friday the 13th business after all.  They’ve argued over cardboard boxes (apparently there is a correct and incorrect way to imprison one’s sibling in one), whose Lunchable is whose, which cup they should each drink from, how close their feet are to each other’s on the couch (my personal favorite), and about 18,443 other things that matter to no one.  Bossypants is home from school for the second day in a row due to teacher ‘in-service’ workdays.  That means today equals one day longer than she and Little Man can feasibly coexist without imminent meltdown.  Despite it being freezing cold outside I have bundled them up and sent them out to annoy the goats and chickens, may the powers-that-be help them.  The goats and chickens, that is.

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Hotel California…

Something I couldn’t have foreseen 10 years ago has recently been rattling around in my brain.  I want a job.  10  years ago I was in the military and fed up that I didn’t get to spend enough time with my husband and kids.  Being at home all day sounded like the BEST THING EVER.  Oh, how I laugh at 10-years-ago me.  I was so naive.  I thought spending time with the under-5 crowd all day sounded super fun.  And for a while it was.  We made crafts, I cooked a lot, we cuddled.  It slowly devolved into a mind-numbing groundhog day-esque existence where everything was the same, every day.  Now a good day is when I wear my socks right-side out.  Bonus points if they match.

I gently approached the topic of mommy getting a job while everyone was at the dinner table the other night and the effect was quite dramatic.  Bossypants actually cried, Boyscout laughed, and Little Man informed me that ‘you belong to me, mama’.  The problem of course being that Little Man is still at home–he won’t be in kindergarten until next fall.  Boy Scout works crazy and unpredictable hours that would make it difficult if not impossible to count on him for childcare and let’s face it, paying for childcare would kind of defeat the purpose.  Which all adds up to NO SOUP FOR YOU.  Job, that is.

I need out, people!  Somebody send me a hacksaw in a krispy kreme.  Or just forget the saw and send the Krispy Kreme.  If I can’t actually escape to a job I can put myself in a sugar coma and drift along until Little Man gets to kindergarten.

“You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave….”

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Bang Bang Baby

I got a gun for Christmas.  A sweet little .380 pink Taurus.  Today was the first day that I got to take it to the range and shoot and it was so nice.  There’s something very primal about holding a gun and knowing you could defend yourself with it.  I do a lot of my grocery shopping late at night at a 24 hour grocery that isn’t in the best neighborhood.  It’s the best time to go because I can go while the kids are asleep and Boy Scout is home (which pretty much limits to late hours) and I don’t have to hurry. Downside is the seedy neighborhood so Boy Scout talked me into getting a handgun.  I’m not sure he was thrilled that I chose a pink one, but hey.  I couldn’t resist, it’s cute!  Speaking of grocery shopping, don’t miss tomorrow’s Sunday paper with a possible 6 coupon inserts!

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Guest blogger: Dispatch from the Luckiest Girl in the World

At the risk of sounding like a bad Ashton Kutcher movie… Dude. I kind of couldn’t believe it when I read that I’d won Beautysleeping’s first giveaway (thank you, random number generator!), and I was really pleased that I’d chosen the surprise — I love surprises!

Well I didn’t think too much more about it until a mysterious box arrived in my mailbox. Even then, I didn’t put two and two together. I was confused to find the world’s smallest, cutest Sephora box, containing a Starbucks card… and a note from one of my favorite bloggers, congratulating me on my win! Aha! The box was filled with an assortment of adorably wrapped, color coordinating goodies — each sealed with a K sticker (for Karla, of course). If I were a patient person, I would have thought to take a picture of the lovely ensemble before I ripped them all open… patience has never been my strong suit.

A minute and a half later, I was sitting in front of a pack of amazing, hand-picked-just-for-me goodies, including a Estee Lauder High Gloss (have you tried these? They’re fabulous), a pack of Bobbi Brown blotting sheets, and… the coup d’grace… a brand new YSL eyeshadow quint! I’ve been dreaming about this for months! I think angels sang when I opened the compact!

Beautysleeping, I can’t believe you financed this giveaway yourself. And thank you so, so much for going to such lengths to find this perfect prize.

Karla

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What I Learned This Weekend

Lessons:

*  If you ever have a few hours and a few brain cells to kill, try to explain the internet to a 3 year old.

*  Look inside the toaster before you plug it in.  You never know when a sneaky preschooler might decide it needs a rubber band in it.  And then you’ll be sad when you’re eating rubber-scented Pop Tarts.

*  You can be 100% sure that if you put on a clean white shirt either your child or your dog will reward you with a muddy paw or a sticky hand (or both if it’s your lucky day) within the first five minutes.  Bonus smart points for you if you’re such a genius that you go put on another clean white shirt after the first one gets trashed.

Beauty find:

*  My skin is irritable right now due to Retin-A and I’ve been digging through every product I own to look for something soothing.  A friend sent me a sample jar of Shiseido’s Future Solution Total Revitalizing Cream a while back and it’s the only thing I’ve been able to put on my face in the last two days that doesn’t feel like a bath of gasoline and lit matches.  Alas, the full size carries a price tag which I fear would send Boy Scout to an early grave (either from shock or apoplexy) if I seriously entertained the idea of purchasing a jar.  I’ll put it on the list of things to buy if we ever have more disposable income than we know what to do with.  As if.

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5 Beauty Products I Do Not Love Right Now

Since I’m a Libra and we’re all about balance, I thought I should share the counterpart to my ‘5 Beauty Products I Love Right Now‘ post.  Without further ado, here are my 5 most recent disappointments:

1.  YSL Rouge Volupte lipstick–For $34 I expected this lipstick to do a lot for me.  YSL says: “Both light and covering, the cream texture becomes fluid on contact with the lips, for a delightful feeling and an exceptional gliding effect.”  For me that translated to a slimy-feeling lipstick that didn’t provide even coverage for my pigmented lips.  No matter how much I applied there were still patches of my lip color peeking through.  I have to admit that the packaging is dead sexy, but the product itself can’t justify that hefty price tag.

2.  Napoleon Perdis eye shadow–I found a few of these on clearance from Sephora a while back, and I have nothing positive to say about them.  I got a few different formulas in several shades and they were universally awful.  Chalky, unpigmented, and no staying power even when applied over a good primer.  A waste of money even at clearance price.

3.  L’Oreal HIP Color Rich Cream Crayon–These got a lot of positive attention on Makeupalley.com so when I saw them in the store recently I figured I might as well try one.  I chose ‘Meticulous’ which L’Oreal describes as being a taupe shade.  I think I may have mentioned my love for all things taupe once or twice on this blog, so I was fairly excited about this.  I thought maybe it would be a less expensive version of MAC’s Shadesticks.  Except…it really isn’t much less expensive.  It was $11-ish while a MAC Shadestick is $16.50.  It also doesn’t look taupe to my eye…more like a metallic tan.  It is pretty, just not the color I was hoping for.  However, the real problem I had with this was the fact that it wouldn’t blend and turned flaky after it dried. 

4.  MAC Zoom Lash Mascara–I love me some MAC, but this mascara is probably the worst I’ve ever tried.  Turned my poor lashes into a smudge-alicious, clumpy, flaky mess.  FAIL.

5.  Korres Pomegranate Lip Butter–It’s two of the things I hate most in a lip balm:  it’s potted and it’s scented.  I hate dipping my fingers into a pot of anything that’s going on my lips.  I also prefer my balms to be fragrance free, because I have a healthy suspicion of any scented lip product that claims to be moisturizing.  In this case the suspicion is validated because this balm did not moisturize my lips at all.  Quite the opposite.  At $9 a pop I’ll stick to Neutrogena Lip Moisturizer.

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Five Beauty Products I Love Right Now

I’ve had a serious influx of new beauty products in the last few months which has resulted in discovering some new HG (that would be Holy Grail for the uninitiated) items.  Some of them I adored after just one use (hello Guerlain Kohl) and some took a few practice runs (Chanel Exceptionnel Mascara, I’m looking at you) before the love started to flow.  Here’s my current top five:

1.  Guerlain Terracotta Loose Kohl–I’m in LOVE.  This is an absolutely amazing eyeliner.  I’m way too much of a klutz to master tightlining, but this makes my eyes look flawless and it’s practically foolproof.  My eyes look so smoking hot I want to make out with MYSELF!  So far I’ve only tried it in black and I *must* try as many of the other shades as I can get my hands on.  If you have any of the limited edition shades (oriental bronze, oriental metal, etc.) and want to part with them for some unfathomable reason, clickity-click on that ‘contact/press’ tab up there and let’s chat.

2.  Bobbi Brown Shimmering Nudes palette–All the reasons you’ve been using to talk yourself out of this palette–it’s so sheer/boring/dupeable–are keeping you from owning one of the best palettes ever.  It’s perfect for a lovely and easy daytime look.  You’re definitely not going to create any over the top looks using this, but if you just want to look polished and pretty this is your go-to item right here.  The shadow formulas are silky and buildable and the shades complement one another perfectly.  I could honestly do without the ‘Espresso’ shade that’s included as a liner but the remaining colors more than make Shimmering Nudes worth the slightly hefty price tag.

3. Make Up For Ever HD Microfinish Powder–I was slightly skeptical when I read the claims that it will reduce the appearance of blemishes and produce a perfect, radiant complexion without accentuating wrinkles.  Until I used it.  The first time I used this I slapped it on bare skin–no primer, foundation, or concealer.  My bare skin is certainly not perfect, at least not yet (come on Retin-A, work your magic!)  I have large pores, blackheads, flakies, and a few blemishes.  After dusting with the HD powder I looked pretty damn good, if I do say so myself.  Not perfect, but close enough for rock and roll.  It really did make my pores practically disappear, minimized the visibility of pimples, and made me look kind of soft and glowy.  Applied over a properly made-up face the effect is even more profound–I look airbrushed.  My only gripe about this product is the packaging.  The tiny canister and sifter top are a headache to deal with.  Good thing the result justifies the means.

4.  Chanel Exceptionnel Mascara–This mascara gives new meaning to ‘false lashes in a tube’.  I have short, stubby eyelashes and this mascara makes them look a mile long.  The applicator is the only one like it I’ve ever seen–alternating rows of combs and bristles.  It would be really easy to overdo it with this, so a light hand and a separate lash comb is in order unless you’re trying to achieve an over the top look. 

5.  T3 Bespoke Labs Featherweight Dryer–I’ve already professed my love for this dryer in a previous post, but it bears repeating.  This. Dryer. Is. Perfection.  ‘Nuff said.  I’m currently test-driving T3’s Medium Duality Iron and some of their liquid styling products and hope they can meet the astronomically high bar the Featherweight has set.  Stay tuned for a review on those products in the near future.

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Caylee Anthony Case: Protester Takes Anthony’s Garbage

In what may be the oddest bit of news I’ve seen about this case lately, a protester swiped a bag of garbage from the Anthony home Tuesday morning.  She took the garbage to her own home and went through it to look for any evidence or clues that may be useful in locating Caylee.  Since it was left on the curb, which is public property, it was perfectly legal for ‘Lorraine’ (as she wishes to be identified) to take the garbage.  I’m truly not sure what to think about this.  New low in this case?  Gutsy move?  Just gross?  She didn’t find anything worthwhile, by the way.

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More NY Fashion Week Spring 2009: GHD at Monique Lhuillier and Proenza Schouler

More NY Fashion Week Spring 2009 backstage and runway photos from GHD today, this time from the Monique Lhuillier and Proenza Schouler shows.  All the styles were accomplished with their MKIV styler and liquid products, of course.  I have to say that the hair at PS doesn’t do much for me, but I love the red lips.  The hair look at ML is much more my style, not that anyone gives a damn.  Enjoy!

Monique Lhuillier

Monique Lhuillier

Proenza Schouler

Proenza Schouler

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